This will by my final blog post for this year. The past few months have been a flurry of confusion, resulting in a state of failure, or so it feels. The units in which I am lacking are many, but the ones that still show me hope give me solace nonetheless.
Reasons as to why this is plentiful, but perhaps not completely welcome on the free web. Suffice to say it was a salad of fear, depression (and as an added bonus, illness), an inability to rest easy in public (or in otherwords, social retardation) and to wrap the rest up together in a bitter-sweet salad dressing; "personal problems".
Security Systems:
On the whole, I feel like I have gone far in this unit. I was so close to accomplishing a merit, in fact, so close to a distinction, yet me and my fear of failure managed to see to it otherwise. Pass is all I can hope for.
The things I have learnt, however, have aided me already. I have bolstered my defences regarding home computers, which is something I would not have gained any another way.
Key Skills:
I have done no further work in this unit, although I know full well that I could have easily completed this by now. Knowing that fact only serves as an amplifier to my selfdisappoitment.
What I take away from this is punishment more than anything.
Website Production and Management:
Starting the year, this was near the top of my favourite list. I have gained a wealth of knowledge that I will no doubt put to use. However, I am far from passing this unit, and it is one more sting in my guilt.
It is more than a shame that I failed such an enjoyable unit, and doubly so considering my reason for being here.
Networking:
A distant memory in my college year, ending so soon into it, I barely remember any of it.
But now, faced to think about it, it reminds me nothing other than a time that I was up to par with my work.
Software Design and Development:
The very tip of my favoured units here. A pass is, again, the limits of my reach. To my eternal shame, I ran from the possibility that I was not as eager to complete this unit as I first thought. Catching up, on the other hand, seems to be easy in comparison to other units. I have 2 more pass criterias to meet, and I shall try to do so gladly.
Advanced Databases:
The simplest is often the hardest. The arrogance involved in doing a simple task can turn the easiest into impossible. I have done very little in terms of databases, although, like many other of my units, I am well within the capability of passing with ease. I doubt very much that I have time to complete this, but know so very coldly that it would have been time and very little effort to breeze past this unit.
This is proof that knowledge in a field can stand in the way of progress therein
Communications and employability skills for IT:
Of course, amongst this final blog, there are two tasks set before me. To finally alter my presentation to refinement, and to set to records the attributes valued by employers. I am confident that this is accomplishable, but how much effect it has on my future rests in the balance
Computer systems:
Still one of the units lost on my feeble mind, all that remains for me to do here is everything. It is futile to think that I could have done this over the past few months, but I accept the blame for being in such a situation in its entirety.
Web Server Scripting:
I have progressed in this unit ever so slowly. I have completely only two of the pass tasks, and I now face a mountain of practical work if I ever hope to go anywhere in this unit.
Systems Analysis and Design:
The elder brother of Computer Systems. Far beyond my realm of skill and understanding, this entire unit is a mark for everything I do not, and for a long time yet, will not comprehend. The very basis of Systems Analysis is something I could not explain. Perhaps this is concious fault, for not being willing to make sure I could but it certainly feels like it was out of my control
I think I have covered all of the units. The word "think" speaks volumes about what I have avoided or missed. The options ahead of me now are not as simple as choosing one or the other. Only by the amount I can physically create will my future be determined.
I hate writing in such a sombre tone (although I self-loathingly admit to being rather adept at doing so), so to sweeten the rather dark pallette that is this blog post, there are bright sides to this story.
I have gained a valuable insight to the computer world, learnt a great many things that internet tutorials and friends of friends can't tell me. The fact that I am still here is a miracle that I am thankful for, and I have met a few people that have, if nothing else, instilled a certain amount of faith back into me regarding the human race. Regardless of the outcome to this year, I will not succumb to the meltdown, and will follow the path I earn no matter how perilous it appears to be.
Thank you to all of the people that have supported me. I did not deserve such kindness, and my failure to accept the aid is proof of that.
